Yeah, it’s a girl.
Maybe I get too attached to relationships, maybe I idealize women too much and try to move too quickly… I’m not sure what it is, but I feel I always manage to fuck things up with everyone I really want to be with. Several people come to mind, but I’ll spare whoever reads this the details. I have this sense of impending failure just sitting in the back of my mind, staring me down silently, occasionally whispering that things will inevitably go wrong because of something I will or won’t do.
How do I put this behind me? Any hope I gain is seems destined to be immediately extinguished; it’s as if I lack the capacity to see things in a positive light.
It’s like a cancer that corrupts any happiness I would get out of a relationship, forcing me into a corner, alone again. I’ve always been a pessimist, but this is so much more — I can’t see myself happily with someone at all.