I have a sense that it will all fall apart, no matter what I do.

Yeah, it’s a girl.

Maybe I get too attached to relationships, maybe I idealize women too much and try to move too quickly…  I’m not sure what it is, but I feel I always manage to fuck things up with everyone I really want to be with.  Several people come to mind, but I’ll spare whoever reads this the details.  I have this sense of impending failure just sitting in the back of my mind, staring me down silently, occasionally whispering that things will inevitably go wrong because of something I will or won’t do.

How do I put this behind me?  Any hope I gain is seems destined to be immediately extinguished; it’s as if I lack the capacity to see things in a positive light.  

It’s like a cancer that corrupts any happiness I would get out of a relationship, forcing me into a corner, alone again.  I’ve always been a pessimist, but this is so much more — I can’t see myself happily with someone at all.